Tucker Max ick!

About a year or so ago, while at my friends house, the topic of the bestselling book I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell was brought up. I had no idea what they were talking about, but they were expressing their love for it. I never read it. So there I was last week, when said friends were now discussing Assholes Finish First.  Tired of feeling left out, I borrowed it. My first thoughts were "who the hell is Tucker Max and why are my friends obsessed?" As I read it, I wasn't thrilled. I really could care less about this kid and his drunken tales of yesteryear.  Oh wait. He's not a kid? He's a 35 year old man? Really? Grow up. This is a best selling book? Some of his stories are sort of amusing, but then I slap myself and realize that they're so degrading. I'm not trying to give the impression that I'm this crazy feminist or anything. I'm not directly offended by anything he says, thank god, but I think its just extremely rude.  It's the same joke everytime. You were really drunk, you got a good blow job, you got a bad blow job, you screwed a fat girl, a midget, bla bla bla. I'm also really bothered by the fact that so many girls are picking up his books and praising him. I bet they'd be crying all the way home had it been one of them being talked about in his books. To end on another note, who would sleep with him anyway? He looks like his face was squashed after being run over by a sanitation truck. Now that I'm done ranting, on the upside, I'm glad I borrowed this book and didn't give this tool any money.

More Chelsea? Woohoo!

I just finished reading Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang last night. I’m actually a little surprised it took me so long to buy one of her books considering I watch her show almost every night. I wasn’t sure what to expect but I do like the approach she took. What do we know about her? She drinks, she loves Vicodin, and she would one day love to have a pet dolphin. Each chapter gives us a taste of her dry humor, whether it is insulting her family, celebrities, or her talk-show staff. It never seems inappropriate, because the stories are just so out there, yet somewhat relatable. She once pranked her boyfriend with a fake autopsy of a friend’s dog after feeding it some bad ravioli one night, equipped with a fake funeral. Another favorite was when she discusses the lengths it took her to get her parents to buy her first cabbage patch doll when she was 8 years old. Obviously exaggerated, she pokes fun at her parents for not wanting to wait in line to buy the doll: “if this were a Latter-day Saints doll, I’m sure you’d be there with bells on and a nipple ring.” It’s those kinds of one-liners that make you shake your head, because they’re so ridiculous, but so funny. I don’t think many of us ever said that to our parents at the ripe age of 8, but it’s hilarious in retrospect.

So lately I’ve been thinking that Chelsea should, in addition to her show’s classic round table approach, do something a little different, a little more real, and a little more “let’s pretend the cameras are off.” She writes about some of her crazy antics, why not showcase a few? Well, just as I woke up this morning and did a little web surfing, it appears that my wish might come true, sorta. This just in: Chelsea Handler has landed a new series! Titled After Lately “the show is a behind-the-scenes look at what happens at our office when the cameras are off… A perfect platform for people who have no business being on camera," says Chelsea. If the show is anything like her latest book, I’m sure my fellow Chelsea fans will love it!

America's Snookheart

Okay, so Snookie has a book coming out. What's the big deal? Is it really a shocker to anyone? Seems like anyone these days that has the slightest amount of fame, gets a book deal, and are on their way to becoming, ahem, aspiring authors. I watch the Jersey Shore, and find it entertaining just as much as the next guy. I wasn't at all surprised when I heard the news. Titled A Shore Thing, her "novel" will be about a girl trying to find love at the Jersey Shore. Sounds more like an autobiography. But why is everyone so upset? All the latest headlines about it basically had nothing good to say about little "Schnooks".
The six castmates on the show definitely have had a whirlwind year, from their trashy days on the shore, to club promoting, talk shows, and back to trashy partying in Miami for their second season. They're literally all over the place. I was most shocked to see them at the Grammy's earlier this year. I turned on my TV and was like WHAT?!?! MTV award shows I can understand, that's their gateway network, but c'mon, the Grammy's? Seriously? These kids basically do what every other young adult in their age bracket does: party hard; yet they get to have a show, and pay their dues by working at a gelato cafe. They're also not the brightest bunch of kids, but I think that's what makes us so fascinated by them. I think that since we can't fathom why they even have a show at all, we just continue to watch it, entertained, yet dumbfounded. 
So until the higher ups stop allowing these folks to make said appearances on such universal broadcasts, or society as a whole just stops giving a, ya know,  we're going to have to deal with them, and watch them as they fulfill their dreams. Kudos to their publicists! They're doing a great job. Who knows, maybe next we'll get "The Situation's Guide to Fine Italian Cuisine." See you at the book-signing.