Tucker Max ick!

About a year or so ago, while at my friends house, the topic of the bestselling book I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell was brought up. I had no idea what they were talking about, but they were expressing their love for it. I never read it. So there I was last week, when said friends were now discussing Assholes Finish First.  Tired of feeling left out, I borrowed it. My first thoughts were "who the hell is Tucker Max and why are my friends obsessed?" As I read it, I wasn't thrilled. I really could care less about this kid and his drunken tales of yesteryear.  Oh wait. He's not a kid? He's a 35 year old man? Really? Grow up. This is a best selling book? Some of his stories are sort of amusing, but then I slap myself and realize that they're so degrading. I'm not trying to give the impression that I'm this crazy feminist or anything. I'm not directly offended by anything he says, thank god, but I think its just extremely rude.  It's the same joke everytime. You were really drunk, you got a good blow job, you got a bad blow job, you screwed a fat girl, a midget, bla bla bla. I'm also really bothered by the fact that so many girls are picking up his books and praising him. I bet they'd be crying all the way home had it been one of them being talked about in his books. To end on another note, who would sleep with him anyway? He looks like his face was squashed after being run over by a sanitation truck. Now that I'm done ranting, on the upside, I'm glad I borrowed this book and didn't give this tool any money.

More Chelsea? Woohoo!

I just finished reading Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang last night. I’m actually a little surprised it took me so long to buy one of her books considering I watch her show almost every night. I wasn’t sure what to expect but I do like the approach she took. What do we know about her? She drinks, she loves Vicodin, and she would one day love to have a pet dolphin. Each chapter gives us a taste of her dry humor, whether it is insulting her family, celebrities, or her talk-show staff. It never seems inappropriate, because the stories are just so out there, yet somewhat relatable. She once pranked her boyfriend with a fake autopsy of a friend’s dog after feeding it some bad ravioli one night, equipped with a fake funeral. Another favorite was when she discusses the lengths it took her to get her parents to buy her first cabbage patch doll when she was 8 years old. Obviously exaggerated, she pokes fun at her parents for not wanting to wait in line to buy the doll: “if this were a Latter-day Saints doll, I’m sure you’d be there with bells on and a nipple ring.” It’s those kinds of one-liners that make you shake your head, because they’re so ridiculous, but so funny. I don’t think many of us ever said that to our parents at the ripe age of 8, but it’s hilarious in retrospect.

So lately I’ve been thinking that Chelsea should, in addition to her show’s classic round table approach, do something a little different, a little more real, and a little more “let’s pretend the cameras are off.” She writes about some of her crazy antics, why not showcase a few? Well, just as I woke up this morning and did a little web surfing, it appears that my wish might come true, sorta. This just in: Chelsea Handler has landed a new series! Titled After Lately “the show is a behind-the-scenes look at what happens at our office when the cameras are off… A perfect platform for people who have no business being on camera," says Chelsea. If the show is anything like her latest book, I’m sure my fellow Chelsea fans will love it!

America's Snookheart

Okay, so Snookie has a book coming out. What's the big deal? Is it really a shocker to anyone? Seems like anyone these days that has the slightest amount of fame, gets a book deal, and are on their way to becoming, ahem, aspiring authors. I watch the Jersey Shore, and find it entertaining just as much as the next guy. I wasn't at all surprised when I heard the news. Titled A Shore Thing, her "novel" will be about a girl trying to find love at the Jersey Shore. Sounds more like an autobiography. But why is everyone so upset? All the latest headlines about it basically had nothing good to say about little "Schnooks".
The six castmates on the show definitely have had a whirlwind year, from their trashy days on the shore, to club promoting, talk shows, and back to trashy partying in Miami for their second season. They're literally all over the place. I was most shocked to see them at the Grammy's earlier this year. I turned on my TV and was like WHAT?!?! MTV award shows I can understand, that's their gateway network, but c'mon, the Grammy's? Seriously? These kids basically do what every other young adult in their age bracket does: party hard; yet they get to have a show, and pay their dues by working at a gelato cafe. They're also not the brightest bunch of kids, but I think that's what makes us so fascinated by them. I think that since we can't fathom why they even have a show at all, we just continue to watch it, entertained, yet dumbfounded. 
So until the higher ups stop allowing these folks to make said appearances on such universal broadcasts, or society as a whole just stops giving a, ya know,  we're going to have to deal with them, and watch them as they fulfill their dreams. Kudos to their publicists! They're doing a great job. Who knows, maybe next we'll get "The Situation's Guide to Fine Italian Cuisine." See you at the book-signing.

Maybe he's not so bad after all.....

Every time Michael J. Fox puts out a book, I can't bear to read it. As a kid, he was a household name. Who didn't want to be part of the Keaton family on Family Ties, or hang out with "Marty McFly" in the Back to the Future trilogy? Around the time Fox announced he had Parkinson's Disease my father's battle with the same disease was getting worse. That was in 1998. Thousands, probably millions of people know of Parkinson's Disease but no one was able to bring it to...let's say...Cancer's notorious fame, as Michael J. Fox. It was nice to see that finally someone was making public the importance of finding a cure for this awful sickness. Unfortunately, my father wasn't able to live long enough to see a cure and passed away in 2004. I've heard news reports stating we are single digit years away but realistically, who knows if we'll ever get a cure. This is why every time I hear of Fox, or especially watch him on TV, specifically talk shows, I cant' help but burst into tears. Every movement he makes, the way he talks, walks, sits, basically all his mannerisms remind me of something all too familiar. My sister has his Lucky Man and Always Looking Up bestsellers, but I just can't open them. Anyway, it was about 2 weeks ago I saw Fox on Live with Regis and Kelly promoting his new book. Although this episode was a repeat, it made me aware that he had a new book that came out, terrible, I know! 

Well, the other day I was walking around the book store, trying to find my next read and saw his latest, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way to the Future. The book looked inviting, and playful, and I didn't feel that it was going to be all about Parkinson's Disease, since I knew that phrase haunted me.  I bought it, read it, and actually enjoyed reading it. It's kind of like a how to guide, for anyone still waiting to learn all of those life lessons we hear about. He does reference his disease, but he also name-drops Hunter! He's humorous, while still keeping with the theme of the book- live to learn. This really was a big breakthrough for me, opening this book. I guess I'm one day closer to opening the others. 

Can this work for us?

I must confess, I am a huge fan of The Oprah Winfrey Show. It sounds cheesy, but I love it! Getting to my point, about a year or so ago, one of her guests was Valerie Bertinelli. Her book, "Losing It- And Gaining My Life Back One Pound at a Time" had just come out, and was already on the New York Times Bestseller List, eventually achieving #1. I already knew Valerie from her early days on "One Day at a Time", and her roles in several Lifetime movies, which I really don't ever watch, but there was always commercials about them! I was also aware of who her legendary rocker ex-husband was, Eddie Van Halen, and was more than excited to read about her cliched lifestyle of "sex, drugs, and rock and roll". The book was filled with fun facts such as Valerie's short fling with Steven Spielberg, her audition for the lead role in "Footloose" and "Adventures in Babysitting". I'm somewhat of a pop culture junkie so these stupid little details amuse me. Her young marriage to Eddie Van Halen, their nightly cocaine binges, and Valerie's struggle to maintain a healthy weight would leave her depressed and out of work.
As I dug deeper into the book, I realized that throughout her entire life, she struggled with her weight. Weight- the reason she lost the parts in "Footloose" and "Adventures in Babysitting". I believe it wasn't until a phone call from Jenny Craig a few years ago, that Valerie realized she was overweight. After starting the diet, she slowly shrunk from size 14, to 12, to 8, and states "even those are getting loose".
The thing with women is that they never feel they look good enough. For most of us, we can diet until we are blue in the face and still not achieve the perfect look. In Valerie's second book, "Finding It- and Satisfying My Hunger for Life Without Opening the Fridge", another bestseller, she shares her feelings on her journey to maintain a healthy weight. Her realization is that its not just about the food you eat. To truly get yourself to that healthy place, requires life changes as well. Some examples she mentions are to pick one realistic goal a day that you know you can achieve, so you aren't burnt out or sad that you didn't get everything done. Being on time, returning calls and e-mails are all things that will relieve stress, and lessen your "to do list". She asks the question "What if  losing weight meant getting rid of the 'weight' we carry on our shoulders and inside"? Obviously, eating the right foods is a great way to start getting your life onto that healthy track our world is now obsessed with, but I think that Valerie's onto something, and anyone that's ever had issues with their weight should invest their time into these books as inspiration to jump-start your own journey. P.S. did you see her on People Magazine?! She's 50 and looks great!